Humpty-dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty-dumpty had a great fall,
All the kings horses,
And all the Kings men,
Couldn’t put Humpty-dumpty,
Back together again.
So the famous child rhyme goes. I am sure you grew up with many childhood rhymes such as this one, just like I did. Usually, we just had fun hearing them, most of probably didn’t think much more of them then they were fun to hear. My grandma use to do the tongue twisters and I loved to hear her do those, and attempt them myself. I think I only figured out one of them.
Now though as an adult I see Humpty-dumpty with different set of eyes. First of all, he was an egg, so what was he thinking sitting on any wall, let alone a “great” wall? But then again, he was an egg, can eggs really think? Second, if an egg at my house had fallen off my counter and broken on my floor, would I attempt to put it back together again? Of course not! Why? Because once eggs break, they’re broken, it’s impossible to fix them, just clean them up, and throw them away. So what where the kings horses and the kings men, thinking trying to put an egg back together again. Third, Kings horses? It’s pretty funny trying to envision a bunch of people trying to piece together an egg, even funnier a bunch of men and horses. How do you think they did it? Standing on their back hooves and using their front hooves, or standing on their front hooves and using their back hooves? Or maybe they stood on all four hooves and used their mouths. Or maybe because this is such an unfathomable tale, they stood on all four hooves and told the men, how to do it. Finally, I have to say, that I wouldn’t want to live in this kingdom with this King as ruler, he couldn’t have been very intelligent. After all he sent all his horses and all his men, to try and put an egg back together again.
Seriously, though, the true eyes I now see the tale of humpty-dumpty through is not necessarily the humorous one above, rather I see it more through the eyes of my own brokenness. Once upon a time, I lived in a world that I thought I was being non-judgmental, that I truly was being loving to others, but inside that wasn’t really the case. I didn’t understand the depth of pain that lead people to the actions they took. I couldn’t fully grasp the extent of their brokenness. I heard, that desperate people did desperate things, but the reality of that didn’t reach my heart.
Today, I live every moment with the reality of desperate people do desperate things, my inner battle with “cutting” and the physical reality of it, are constant reminders of my brokenness. However, it doesn’t end there. At the loss of my dad, there has been a new brokenness that I have reached that has seemed to far reach anything else I have ever seemed to experience. My heart feels like Humpty-dumpty, and at times I struggle with wondering if anything will ever be able to put it back together again. Except there is two differences between my brokenness and humpty-dumpties’ brokenness. One is he was an egg, two he had men and horses trying to put him back together again. For me, my heart is mendable, and two, it’s God who mends it, not man, and with God, all things are possible.